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httpjoke - A collection of jokes and stories circulating among offices on E-Mail as "Internet" folk humor. This is humor for your imagination; do not try these pranks at home.

The attitudes towards courtship, ethnic groups, gender differences, personalities, politics, products, and religion are not necessarily those of the authors, the contributors, or this web site. This is a humor page. All of us are the subjects of some jokes. I hope this collection can be a central repository. It may also help reduce the duplication we currently receive in our daily E-Mail.

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The day that this country ceases to be free for irreligion, it will cease to be free for religion--except for the sect that can win political power. [Supreme Court Justice Robert Houghwout Jackson, dissenting opinion in Zorach v. Clauson (343 US 306 -- 1952)]

If we concede to the State power and wisdom to single out 'duly constituted religious' bodies as exclusive alternatives for compulsory secular instruction, it would be logical to also uphold the power and wisdom to choose the true faith among those 'duly constituted.' We start down a rough road when we begin to mix compulsory public education with compulsory godliness. [Supreme Court Justice Robert Houghwout Jackson, dissenting opinion in Zorach v. Clauson (343 US 306 -- 1952)]

If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion, or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein. [Robert H. Jackson, Supreme Court opinion (West Virginia State Board of Education v Barnette, 319 U.S. 624{1943})]

The National Government will therefore regard as its first and supreme task to restore to the German people unity of mind and will. It will preserve and defend the foundations on which the strength of our nation rests. It will take under its firm protection Christianity as the basis of our morality, and the family as the nucleus of our nation and our State. ['Nazism, A History in Documents & Eyewitness Accounts'. (Original source listed in the bibliography: Jacobsen and Jochmann, Ausgewahlte Dokumente Bd II.)]

Religion is a monumental chapter in the history of human egotism. [William James (1842-1910) American philosopher and psychologist]

Damn the Solar System. Bad light; planets too distant; pestered with comets; feeble contrivance; could make a better myself. [Francis [Lord] Jeffery]

In addition I think science has enjoyed an extraordinary success because it has such a limited and narrow realm in which to focus its efforts. Namely, the physical universe. [Ken Jenkins]

After the survivor of the Spanish conquest has told his life's story he is convicted by the Inquisition: He posted no brief in defense or mitigation of his offenses, and when he was most solemnly advised by the Court President of the dire consequences he faced if found guilty, Juan Damasceno volunteered only one comment: It will mean I do not go to the Christian heaven?' He was told that that would indeed be the worst of his punishments: that he would most assuredly not go to Heaven. At which, his smile sent a thrill of horror through every soul of the Court. [Aztec, by Gary Jennings]

If it is good not to touch a woman, then it is bad to touch a woman always and in every case. [Jerome, Epistle 48.14]

Holy virginity is a better thing than conjugal chastity.... A mother will hold a lesser place in the Kingdom of heaven, because she has been married, than the daughter, seeing that she is a virgin .... but if thy mother has been humble and not proud, she will have some sort of place, but not thou... [Saint Jerome, Roman theologian, Sermon 354]

We Catholics may lie and say we are Protestants when we are among the Protestants or we may lie when we are among the Huguenots and say we are Huguenots; and if we wish we can stoop so low as to say we are Jews when we are among the Jews if our lying would benefit the Catholic Church. [Jesuit oath from the Congressional Record]

The Roman Catholic church, convinced that it is the only true church, must demand the right to freedom for herself alone and the end of freedom for all others. [Jesuit publication]

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword. [Jesus, Matthew 10:34]

The belief that the soul continues its existence after the dissolution of the body is a matter of philosophical or theological speculation rather than of simple faith, and is accordingly nowhere expressly taught in Holy Scripture. [The Jewish Encyclopedia (1910), Vol. VI, p. 564]

No one has an idea really of where we should draw the line. What about the Bible? Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you're looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible's right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you're justified because God told you to. You have Shakespeare and you have Sophocles--what are we going to do, lose 'Oedipus Rex' if someone pokes an eye out? [Penn Jillette, from Reason magazine, on censorship of violent TV shows]

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - The sinners are much more fun. [Billy Joel, from Only the Good Die Young]

It can therefore be said that, from the viewpoint of the doctrine of the faith, there are no difficulites in explaining the origin of man, in regard to the body, by means of the theory of evolution. [Pope John Paul II, April 16, 1986]

One of my favorite fantasies is that next Sunday not one woman, in any country of the world, will go to church. If women simply stop giving our time and energy to the institutions that oppress, they cease to be. [Sonia Johnson]

It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file. [Bertil Jonell]

The rights of the people to be free to exercise their religious and philosophical beliefs includes 'by necessity' the right to abstain from the practise of any religious and philosophical beliefs. This right cannot be guaranteed in any environment wherein a practice of this type is enacted in a state funded context -- like a classroom -- and the participation is all but complusory for those present in that they must experience another's religious practice on their time and against their will. School ground is not the issue. School TIME 'is'. At that point, it becomes STATE time, which makes it STATE religion. Say hello to theocracy. [Timothy Jones <timelord@u.washington.edu>, on alt.atheism]

'Twas only fear first in the world made gods. [Ben Jonson (1572?-1637), Sejanus]

When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism! [David Starr Jordan, Cardiff, What Great Men Think of Religion]

Theologians consider that it was the sin of pride, the sinful thought conceived in an instant: non serviam: I will not serve. That instant was his [Lucifer's] ruin. [James Joyce,'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man']

The idea of an incarnation of God is absurd: why should the human race think itself so superior to bees, ants, and elephants as to be put in this unique relation to its maker? . . Christians are like a council of frogs in a marsh or a synod of worms on a dung-hill croaking and squeaking for our sakes was the world created. [Julian The Apostate]

Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian .... To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe because it is absurd). This does not altogether accord with historical fact, for he merely said: And the Son of God died, which is immediately credible because it is absurd. And buried he rose again, which is certain because it is impossible. Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.] [C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types] (Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church).

Superstitions, cults and mysticism appear with surprising consistency during a social crisis. Today it is ESP and UFOs, astrology and clairvoyance, mystic cults and mesmeric healers. The growth of interest in such things is a sure indicator of social unrest, personal uneasiness, frustration and loss of purpose. These symptoms are also present in the West, particularly in the U.S., where they are more chronic; in the Soviet Union, however, we have an acute fever. ...Carl Sagan of Cornell University has told me that in the U.S. there are 15,000 astrologers and only 1,500 astronomers. ...It is fascinating that in the Soviet Union we are importing creationism from fundamentalists in the U.S. ...The momentous changes happening now in the Soviet Union are the reason for this current upsurge of the irrational. What is important is the emerging extremism that they may signal. [Sergei Kapitza, President of the Physical Society of the U.S.S.R. and editor of the Russian edition of Scientific American, Antiscience Trends in the U.S.S.R., Scientific American 265(2):32-38, August 1991]

Convicts register their religious affiliation when they're processed into prison. And about 99.5% of the huge U.S.A. prison population consists of inmates who identified themselves as members of religious denominations. [Gene M. Kasmar]

..it is high time that scholars of all godly religions united to confront the forces of immorality in the present day under various names such as secularism, human rights, freedom of speech. [Tehran's Kayhan International newspaper urging cooperation with the Vatican in opposing the U.N. population control document]

Oh, threats of Hell and Hopes of Paradise! One thing at least is certain--This life flies; One thing is certain and the rest is lies; The Flower that once has blown for ever dies. [Omar Khayyam (11th century) The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]

My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time. [Garrison Keillor]

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. [Helen Keller]

Faith is a euphemism for prejudice and religion is a euphemism for superstition. [Paul Keller, American rationalist]

The court decided, based on its reading of our precedents, that the effects test of Lemon is violated whenever government action creates an identification of the state with a religion, or with religion in general, ...or when the effect of the governmental action is to endorse one religion over another, or to endorse religion in general. [Justice Kennedy, opinion of the court in Lee vs. Weisman]

The First Amendment's Religion Clauses mean that religious beliefs and religious expression are too precious to be either proscribed or prescribed by the State. The design of the Constitution is that preservation and transmission of religious beliefs and worship is a responsibility and a choice committed to the private sphere, which itself is promised freedom to pursue that mission. It must not be forgotten then, that while concern must be given to define the protection granted to an objector or a dissenting non-believer, these same Clauses exist to protect religion from government interference. James Madison, the principal author of the Bill of Rights, did not rest his opposition to a religious establishment on the sole ground of its effect on the minority. A principal ground for his view was: [E]xperience witnesseth that ecclesiastical establishments, instead of main- taining the purity and efficacy of Religion, have had a contrary operation. [Justice Kennedy, opinion of the court in Lee vs. Weisman]

In religious debate or expression the government is not a prime participant, for the Framers deemed religious establishment antithetical to the freedom of all. The Free Exercise Clause embraces a freedom of conscience and worship that has close parallels in the speech provisions of the First Amendment, but the Establishment Clause is a specific prohibition on forms of state intervention in religious affairs with no precise counterpart in the speech provisions. Buckley v. Valeo, 424 U. S. 1, 92-93, and n. 127 (1976) (per curiam). The explanation lies in the lesson of history that was and is the inspiration for the Establishment Clause, the lesson that in the hands of government what might begin as a tolerant expression of religious views may end in a policy to indoctrinate and coerce. A state-created orthodoxy puts at grave risk that freedom of belief and conscience which are the sole assurance that religious faith is real, not imposed. [Justice Kennedy, opinion of the court in Lee v. Weisman]

The lessons of the First Amendment are as urgent in the modern world as the 18th Century when it was written. One timeless lession is that if citizens are subjected to state-sponsored religious exercises, the State disavows its own duty to guard and respect that sphere of inviolable conscience and belief which is the mark of a free people, [Supreme Court Justice Kennedy for majority, Lee v. Weisman, 1992]

Priestesses should be burnt at the stake because they are assuming powers they have no right to. In the medieval world that was called sorcery. The way of dealing with sorcerers was to burn them at the stake. It's illegal now but if I had my way that is what would happen to them. In medieval times, I would burn the bloody bitches. [Church of England vicar Rev. Anthony Kennedy, March 9,1994 as reported in the Times, regarding female Cof E priests]

I would shoot the bastards if I was allowed, because a woman can't represent Christ. Men and women are totally different, that's not my fault, and Jesus chose men for his disciples. [Church of England vicar Rev. Anthony Kennedy, March 9,1994 regarding female Cof E priests]

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute- where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishoners for whom to vote--where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference--and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him. [John F. Kennedy]

Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. [Ben Kenobi]

The party stands on the basis of Positive Christianity, and Positive Christianity IS National Socialism...National Socialism is the doing of God's will...God's will reveals itself in German blood...Dr. Zoellner and Count Galen have tried to make clear to me that Christianity consists in faith in Christ as the Son of God. That makes me laugh...No, Christianity is not dependent upon the Apostle's Creed...True Christianity is represented by the party, and the German people are now called by the party and especially by the Fuehrer to a real Christianity...The Fuehrer is the herald of a new revelation. [Dr. Hans Kerrl, Nazi Minister for Church Affairs]

I can't believe in the God of my Fathers. If there is one Mind which understands all things, it will comprehend me in my unbelief. I don't know whose hand hung Hesperus in the sky, and fixed the Dog Star, and scattered the shining dust of Heaven, and fired the sun, and froze the darkness between the lonely worlds that spin in space. [Gerald Kersh (1911-1968), British author, journalist]

The Essenses are not mentioned anywhere in the New Testament, although their numbers were at least as great as the Sadducees and Pharisees. This would suggest an element of intentional secrecy regarding the influence of the sect on the teachings and work of Jesus. [The Jesus Conspiracy: The Turin Shroud and the Truth About the Resurrection by Holger Kersten & Elmer R. Gruber p. 239]

The Essenes had various communities in Palestine, with the main center at Qumran on the shores of the Dead Sea. The sensational discovery of numerous scrolls in a cave at Qumran in 1947 made it possible to gain glimpses into a community which practised in a way, 'Christianity before Christ'. As is well known, the translation of the material was systematically boycotted and only very recently almost all the Qumran texts have appeared in print. Similarities between the teaching of Jesus and those of the Essenes are obvious... [The Jesus Conspiracy: The Turin Shroud and the Truth About the Resurrection by Holger Kersten & Elmer R. Gruber p. 239]

Qumran lies directly within the orbit of Jesus' early activity. His first public appearance occurred in this region. It is a striking fact that the place where Jesus received the ritual baptismal bath in the Jordan at the hands of John, was only 5 km from the monastic settlement of Qumran. There is of course a reason for this. John the Baptist was a 'schaliach', an apostle of the sect of Qumran...John led a community of Essene moderates. After his baptism one should similarly count Jesus as a member of one of these communities, and refer to him as a Nazarene. This later led to the falsely translated and irrational description of him as 'Jesus of Nazareth', a place which was not even in existence at the time of Jesus. Later a sign was said to have been fixed to the Cross, giving charge against him as membership of this sect: Jesus, Nazarenus, Rex Iudaeorum--Jesus, Nazarene, King of the Jews. [The Jesus Conspiracy: The Turin Shroud and the Truth About the Resurrection by Holger Kersten & Elmer R. Gruber p. 239]

ROONEY: Did you really seriously worry about going to prison? KEVORKIAN: No! Never! Am I a criminal? The world knows I'm not a criminal! What are they trying to put me in jail for? You've lost common sense in this society because of religious fanaticism and dogma. You're basing your laws, and your whole outlook on natural life, on mythology! It won't work! That's why you have all these problems in the world. Name them -- India, Pakistan, Ireland. Name them! All these problems -- they're all religious problems! [Dr. Jack Kevorkian, with Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes]

Politics must be founded on the solid faith of God almighty [Alan Keyes, Rep. presidential candidate, at Christian Coalition Road to Victory convention]

If we accept the logic of the Declaration, reverence for God is not just a matter of religious faith, it is the foundation of justice and citizenship in our republic. [Alan Keyes, Rep. presidential candidate, 1995]

The self-assured believer is a greater sinner in the eyes of God than the troubled disbeliever. [Soren Kierkegaard]

Christendom has done away with Christianity without being quite aware of it. [Soren Kierkegaard, Time magazine, 16 December 1946]

...It was as if the interlopers had suggested to a bunch of born-again Christians that they hunt up the Ark of the Covenant and turn it into a pay toilet. [Stephen King (The Wastelands)]

Xtian (at crucifixion): <snif> It's a shame he has to die Jesus (shouting from cross): Well maybe I wouldn't have to die if somebody would get a LADDER and a pair of PLIERS!! [Kinison, 0:0]

And lo, Jesus did say unto the soldiers 'Not the OTHER hand. Ow shit, that hurts! You assholes!' [2 Kinison 3:45]

The Three in One, the One in Three? Not so! To my own Gods I go. It may be they shall give me greater ease than your cold Christ and tangled Trinities. [Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), British author, poet. Plain Tales from the Hills, chapter heading to Lispeth (1888)]

Obedience. A religion of slaves. A religion of intellectual death. I like it. Don't ask questions, don't think, obey the Word of the Lord -- as it has been conveniently brought to you by a man in a Rolls with a heavy Rolex on his wrist. I like that job! Where can I sign up? [Oleg Kiselev]

Faith is often the boast of the man who is too lazy to investigate. [F. M. Knowles]

I have repeatedly stressed that the selfish impulses of man constitute a much less historic danger than his integrative tendencies. To put it in the simplest way: the individual who indulges in an excess of aggressive self-assertiveness incurs the penalties of society-he outlaws himself, he contracts out of the hierarchy. The true believer, on the other hand, becomes more closely knit into it; he enters the womb of his church, or party, or whatever the social holon to which he surrenders his identity. [Arthur Koestler, The Ghost in the Machine]

God seems to have left the receiver off the hook and time is running out. [Arthur Koestler]

What...can we surmise about the likelihood of someone's being caring and generous, loving and helpful, just from knowing that they are a believer? Virtually nothing, say psychologists, sociologists, and others who have studied that question for decades. [Alfie Kohn, in Psychology Today]

In the brain of every religious person there is a god shaped vacuum. [Jeremy Konopka on alt.atheism]

The church lives on the fact that modern research about Jesus is not known amongst the public. [Hans Konzelmann]

Illusions die hard and it is painful to yield to the insight that a grown-up can be no man's disciple. [Sheldon B. Kopp]

When I was a kid in the ghetto, a gang started going around harassing people, so some of the toughest kids formed a gang called The Sharks to stop them. The other gang was called The Jehovah's Witnesses. [Charles Kosar]

Changes in the educational levels of the general population in recent years appear to account for much of the variance in biblical beliefs over time. The current proportion of biblical literalists is 32%, only half of what it was in 1963, when 65% of Americans said they believed in the absolute truth of all words in the Bible and that it represented the actual word of God. Belief in inerrancy is most likely to be found among people who did not complete high school (58%), and least likely among college graduates (29%). [One Nation Under God, (1993) Barry A. Kosmin & Seymour P. Lachman. pg. 268]

Over the years I realized the god I prayed to was the god I invented. When I was talking to him, I was talking to myself. He had no understanding or qualities that I did not have. When I realized god was an extension of my imagination, I stopped praying to him. [Howard Kreisner, host of The American Atheist Hour]

...your belief in God is merely an escape from your monotonous, stupid and cruel life. [Krishnamurti]

There must be a Silicon Heaven. Where do all the calculators go? [Kryten, Red Dwarf]

To believe a myth is as easy a thing as breathing the air. But holding one's breath for a lifetime -- that is difficult. [Michael P. Kube-McDowell, Exile]

It should be made clear that in order to live a Christian life, any Christian must be able to discriminate and hate, because that's what the bible says. [Bernhard Kuiper, Colorado Springs pastor]

It makes a big difference if we think of God as a person or as a force. One way you get Christianity, the other you get Star Wars. [Jayne Kulikauskas]

Secular humanism does not have the essential attributes of a religion: belief in a deity, the wish for some sort of afterlife, sacred dogma or texts, or an absolutist moral creed. Instead, it expresses a philosophical and ethical point of view, and it draws upon the scientific method in formulationg its naturalistic view of the nature. [Paul Kurtz & Tim Madigan, Eupraxophy and Secular Humanism, Free Inquiry]

I talk to God every day, and He's never mentioned you. [movie, 'Ladyhawke']

If the liberties of the American people are ever destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the clergy. [General Marquis De Lafayette (1789)]

There is nothing more innately human than the tendency to transmute what has become customary into what has been divinely ordained. [Suzanne Lafollette]

Perhaps God is not dead; perhaps God is himself mad. [R.D. Laing]

The Church doesn't believe in book-burning, but it believes in restricting the use of dangerous books among those whose minds are unprepared for them. [Francis J. Lally, American Roman Catholic Monsignor, Mike Wallace Interview, Fund for the Republic, 1958]

The Church has through the centuries, understood that ideas are really more dangerous than other weapons. Their use should be restricted. [Francis J. Lally, American Roman Catholic Monsignor, Mike Wallace Interview, Fund for the Republic, 1958]

We do not ask to be born; and we do not ask to die. But born we are and die we must. We come into existence and we pass out of existence. And in neither case does high-handed fate await our ratification of its decree. [Corliss Lamont (1902-1995) The Illusion of Immortality]

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. [Anne Lamott]

We found a great number of books...and since they contained nothing but superstitions and falsehoods of the Devil we burned them all. [Catholic Bishop Diego De Landa, after burning priceless books of Mayan history and science, July 1562]

No one has the right to destroy another person's belief by demanding empirical evidence. [Ann Landers, advice columnist]

Even the weakest disputant is made so conceited by what he calls religion, as to think himself wiser than the wisest who think differently from him. [Walter Savage Landor, Melancthon and Calvin]

We really have dinosaurs today, without any question. You just need the right weather conditions, as I see it, to get huge creatures. And in the ocean, of course,, we have huge creatures...This is where the pleisosauruses seem to be today, and perhaps also this fire-breathing dragon is still down there- very rare, but occasionally there. [Rev. Walter Lang, Founder, Bible-Science Association]

Sire, I had no need of that hypothesis. [Astronomer Pierre Simon Laplace's response to Napoleon's inquiry as to why he did not mention God in his book 'Mecanique celeste' In 1995, Stephen Jay Gould wrote an essay for the 'Natural History' magazine where he says that this story probably is not true]

However incompatible the spirit of Jesus and armed force may be, and however unpleasant it may be to acknowledge the fact, as a matter of plain history the latter has often made it possible for the former to survive. [Prof. Kenneth Scott Latourette, 'A History of the Expansion of Christianity' (New York:Harper & Brothers, 1937) Vol. I, p.164]

Every religion in the world that has destroyed people is based on love. [Anton LaVey]

Whatever alleged 'truth' is proven by results to be but an empty fiction, let it be unceremoniously flung into the outer darkness, among the dead gods, dead empires, dead philosophies, and other useless lumber and wreckage! [Anton Szandor LaVey]

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. [Lynn Lavner]

radical antiabortion groups like Operation Rescue and Rescue America have to be dealt with as domestic terrorists as deadly as the ones who blew up the World Trade Center and as fanatic as the cultists in Waco. [John Laws]

One of the conditions (for escaping the stake) was that of stating all they knew of other heretics and apostates, which proved an exceedingly fruitful source of information as, under the general terror, there was little hesitation in denouncing not only friends and acquaintances, but the nearest and dearest kindred -- parents and children, and brothers and sisters. [Henry Charles Lea, History of the Inquisition of Spain]

For the church to say that abortion is not acceptable for a Catholic is fine. To say directly or indirectly that on something that is a church teaching that you must also vote according to that -- that's not acceptable in a country based on the First Amendment. [Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy]

Pursuing the religious life today without using psychedelics drugs is like studying astronomy with the naked eye because that's how they did it in the first century A.D., and besides, telescopes are unnatural. [Timothy Leary, The Politics of Ecstasy]

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. [Fran Lebowitz]

Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's; and unto human beings, what? [Stanislaw J. Lec]

There once was a time when all people beleived in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages. [Richard Lederer, 'Anguished English']

Would you sing 'Krishna bless America' or pledge allegience to 'One nation under Allah'? If not, would that make you unpatriotic? [Chris Lee]

Praying is like a rocking chair-- it'll give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere. [Gypsy Rose Lee]

The principle that government may accommodate the free exercise of religion does not supersede the fundamental limitations imposed by the Establishment Clause, which guarantees at a minimum that a government may not coerce anyone to support or participate in religion or its exercise, or otherwise act in a way which establishes a [state] religion or religious faith, or tends to do so. Lynch v. Donnelly, 465 U.S. 668, 678. Pp.7-8.

(b)State officials here direct the performance of a formal religious exercise at secondary schools' promotional and graduation ceremonies. Lee's decision that prayers should be given and his selection of the religious participant are choices attributable to the State. [Lee vs. Weisman, 1992, Supreme Court decision regarding prayers at US high school graduation ceremonies]

To hell with the U.S. Constitution. [Father Bernard Leeming, from America Magazine, 7/23/63]

What is an anarchist? One who, choosing, accepts the responsibility of choice. [Ursula K. LeGuinn, 'The Day before the Revolution']

God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. [Leibnitz]

If you don't think that logic is a good method for determining what to believe, make an attempt to convince me of that without using logic. No one has even bothered to try yet. [Brett Lemoine]

First, the statute must have a secular legislative purpose; second, its principle or primary effect must be one that neither advances nor inhibits religion (citation omitted); finally, the statute must not foster an excessive government entanglement with religion. [The Lemon Test, from Lemon v. Kurtzman, 1971]

Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. No hell below us, Above us, only sky... [John Lennon, Imagine]

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue about that. I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first--rock'n'roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me. [John Lennon, London Evening Standard of March 4, 1966, repeated in Time magazine, Aug 12, 1966]

God is a concept by which we measure our pain. [John Lennon (1940-80)]

It is quite unlawful to demand, defend, or to grant unconditional freedom of thought, or speech, of writing or worship, as if these were so many rights given by nature to man. [Pope Leo XIII, Great Encyclical Letters,16]

Hence from all we have hitherto said, it is clear beloved Catholics that we cannot approve the opinions which some [Protestants, Jews, and other heretics] comprise under the head of Americanism [freedom]. [Pope Leo XIII, Great Encyclical Letters,252]

The equal toleration of all religions...is the same as atheism. [Pope Leo XIII, Imortale Dei]

When one creates phantoms for oneself, one puts vampires into the world, and one must nourish these children of a voluntary nightmare with one's blood, one's life, one's intellegence, and one's reason, without ever satisfying them. [Eliphas Levi]

One of the key figures of the Arab conquests is Khalid ibn al-Walid, the chief general of Abu Bakr. After fulfilling orders by restoring the status quo at the death of the Prophet, he decided for himself the problem of what to do next by embarking on a programme of military expansion. The real beginning of the Arab conquests is the Battle of 'Aqraba' in 633 in eastern Najd. The victory proved to the Arabs the capacity of the Medinese Government and the advisability of submitting to it. Thereafter a series of expeditions radiated in all directions [Bernard Lewis, The Arabs in History]

Christianity simply does not make sense until you have faced the sort of facts I have been describing. Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness. [C.S. Lewis, Mere'Xtianity]

... believing in a God whom we cannot but regard as evil, and then, in mere terrified flattery calling Him 'good' and worshipping him is a still greater danger... The ultimate question is whether the doctrine of the goodness of God or that of the inerrancy of scripture is to prevail when they conflict. I think the doctrine of the goodness of God is the more certain of the two. Indeed, only that doctrine renders this worship of Him obligatory or even permissable. [C. S. Lewis, in letter to John Beversluis]

The first thing to get clear about Christian morality between man and man is that in this department Christ did not come to teach any brand new morality. The Golden Rule of the New Testament (Do as you would be done by) is a summing up of what everyone, at bottom, had always known to be right. [C.S. Lewis]

When man comes to the realization that he is not the favorite of God; that he was not specifically created, that the universe was not made for his benefit, and that he is subject to the same laws of nature as all other forms of life, then, and not until then, will he understand that he must rely upon himself, and himself alone, for whatever benefits he is to enjoy; and devote his time and energies to helping himself and his fellow men to meet the exigencies of life and to set about to solve the difficult and intricate problems of living. [Joseph Lewis, An Atheist Manifesto]

It is time for students of the evolutionary process, especially those who have been misquoted and used by the creationists, to state clearly that evolution is a FACT, not theory, and that what is at issue within biology are questions of details of the process and the relative importance of different mechanisms of evolution. [R. C. Lewontin Evolution/Creation Debate: A Time for Truth Bioscience 31, 559 (1981) reprinted in EVOLUTION VERSUS CREATIONISM] ------- Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life. [Andrew Lias]

Christian Liberalism: The doctrine that there may be an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about baby seals but doesn't give a damn about my sex life.

There were honest people long before there were Christians and there are, God be praised, still honest people where there are no Christians. It could therefore easily be possible that people are Christians because true Christianity corresponds to what they would have been even if Christianity did not exist. [G. C. Lichtenberg (1742-99), German physicist, philosopher. Aphorisms, Notebook L, aph. 16 (written 1765-99; tr. by R. J. Hollingdale, 1990)]

As nations improve, so do their gods. [G. C. Lichtenberg (1742-1799) German physicist, writer]

It belongs to American liberty to separate entirely from the political government the institution which has its object the support and diffusion of religion. [Prof. Francis Lieber (1802-1872), American constitutional authorities, as quoted in Anson Phelps Stokes, Church And State In The United States Vol I, p. 34-35]

The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma. [Abraham Lincoln]

I am for liberty of conscience in its noblest, broadest, and highest sense. But I cannot give liberty of conscience to the pope and his followers, the papists, so long as they tell me, through all their councils, theologians, and canon laws that their conscience orders them to burn my wife, strangle my children, and cut my throat when they find their opportunity. [Abraham Lincoln]

I see a very dark cloud on America's horizon, and that cloud is coming from Rome. [Abraham Lincoln]

My earlier views at the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them. [Abraham Lincoln, letter to Judge J.S. Wakefield, after the death of Willie Lincoln]

It will not do to investigate the subject of religion too closely, as it is apt to lead to infidelity. [Abraham Lincoln, from What Great Men Think Of Religion by Ira Cardiff]

My husband is not a Christian but is a religious man, I think. [Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, in 'Toward The Mystery']

I am approached with the most opposite opinions and advice, and by religious men who are certain they represent the Divine will. ... I hope it will not be irreverent in me to say, that if it be probable that God would reveal his will to others, on a point so connected with my duty, it might be supposed he would reveal it directly to me. [Abraham Lincoln. Chapter 14 of Part 5 of 'Six Historic Americans' by John Ramsburg]

The churches used to win their arguments against atheism, agnosticism, and other burning issues by burning the ismists, which is fine proof that there is a devil but hardly evidence that there is a God. [Ben N. Lindsey and Wainwright Evans, The Revolt of Modern Youth, 1925]

God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God, are as we are, none so like Him as ourselves. [Lestat de Lioncourt, 'Interiew With the Vampire' by Anne Rice]

Much of the discussion on the existence of race reminds me of the obituary in 'Time' Magazine (January 11, 1963) of Arthur O. Lovejoy. When the late Professor Lovejoy was asked at a government investigation if he believed in God, he promptly rattled off thirty-three definitions of God and asked the questioner which one he had in mind. But of course it really didn't matter to the questioner. To avow a belief in the existence of God simply assured one's participation in the socio-cultural system, in which everyone knows that God exists out there but we humans are just too ignorant to perceive or define Him accurately. [pp. 55-56 of On the Nonexistence of Human Races, Frank B. Livingstone, in 'The Concept of Race', ed. by Ashley Montagu, (Collier-Macmillan, London), 1964.]

I find every sect, as far as reason will help them, make use of it gladly; and where it fails them, they cry out, It is a matter of faith, and above reason. [John Locke]

It is possible to pay another man's debts on his behalf, but it is not possible to make a guilty man innocent by suffering in his place. [Carl Lofmark, 'What is the Bible?']

I have given myself a lot of trouble in this world with small result. I took my own life and the Church seriously, and the consequence is that I have wasted one and disturbed the other. The search for truth is not a trade by which a man can support himself; for a priest it is a supreme peril. For a long time now I have not really been a Catholic in the official sense of the word. I have strewn my intelligence and my activity to the four winds of an empty ideal...Roman Catholicism, as such, is bound to perish, and it deserves no regrets. [Alfred Loisy, My Duel with the Vatican]

From all this the conclusion follows that what we have here is not a historical tradition of a factual resurrection...but an assertion of faith. The stories of imagined apparitions are, for the most part, apologetic constructions for butressing belief by clothing it in material form. Whence it follows in this crucial case, as in that of miracles in general, that the only history we can glean from stories of supernatural magic is the history of belief. [Alfred Loisy, Catholic Modernist. bible scholar, Professor at the Institut Catholique in France from 1889 until his excommunication from the Church in 1908, writing on contradiction between various stories of the resurection]

It seems obvious to me that the notion of God has never been anything but a kind of ideal projection, a reflection upward of the human personality, and that theology never has been and never can be anything but a more and more purified mythology. [Alfred F. Loisy, My Duel with the Vatican]

There are no gods in my coffee cup. [Tony Lawrence]

Heaven and earth, centre and circumference, were created together, in the same instant, and clouds full of water. . . . this work took place and man was created by the Trinity on the twenty-third of October, 4004 B.C., at nine o'clock in the morning. [John Lightfoot (Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge), 1859]

History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion -- i.e. none to speak of. [Lazarus Long]

The fundamentalists leap up and down in apoplectic rage and joy. Their worst fantasies are vindicated, and therefore (or so they like to think), their entire theology and socio-political agenda is too. Meanwhile, teen-age misanthropes and social misfits murder their enemies, classmates, families, friends, even complete strangers, all because they read one of Anton LaVey's books or listened to one too many AC/DC records. The born- agains are ready to burn again, and not just books this time. [excerpt from Loompanics' Greatest Hits]

I don't really miss god but i sure miss santa claus! [Courtney Love]

Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold- bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief. [James Russell Lowell, Literary Essays, Witchcraft]

We should always be disposed to believe that that which appears white is really black, if the hierarchy of the Church so decides. [Ignatius of Loyola, Spanish founder of the Society of Jesus [Jesuits], Exercitia spiritualia, 1541]

I keep hearing that Jesus Christ is coming, but nobody knows his tour dates. [Michael Lucas]

The poor wretches have convinced themselves that they are going to be immortal and live for all time, by worshipping that crucified sophist and living under his laws...they receive these doctrines by tradition, without any definite evidence. So if any charlatan or trickster comes among them, he quickly acquires wealth by imposing upon these simple people. [Lucian]

Even if I knew nothing of the atoms, I would venture to assert on the evidence of the celestial phenomena themselves, supported by many other arguments, that the universe was certainly not created for us by divine power: it is so full of imperfections. [Lucretius, On the Nature of the Universe]

If God can do anything he can make a stone so heavy that even he can't lift it. Then there is something God cannot do, he cannot lift the stone. Therefore God does not exist. [Lucretius, Roman poet]

Fear was the first thing on earth to make gods. [Lucretius (96?-55 B.C.)]

How many evils have flowed from religion. [Lucretius, De Rerum Natura, 57 B.C.]

All our experience with history should teach us, when we look back, how badly human wisdom is betrayed when it relies on itself. [Martin Luther (1483-1546), German Protestant leader]

People gave ear to an upstart astrologer who strove to show that the earth revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon....This fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy; but sacred scripture tells us [Joshua 10:13] that Joshua commanded the sun to stand still, and not the earth. [Martin Luther in one of his Table Talks in 1539]

People give ear to an upstart astrologer [Copernicus] who strove to show that the earth revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon. Whoever wishes to appear clever must devise some new system, which of all systems is of course the very best. This fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy. [Martin Luther, Works, Volume 22, c. 1543]

Their synagogues ... should be set on fire.

Their homes should be broken down and destroyed. They ought to be put under one roof or in a stable, like Gypsies, in order that they may realize that they ... are ... but miserable captives.

They should be deprived of their prayerbooks and Talmuds.

Their rabbis must be forbidden under threat of death to teach any more. [Martin Luther]

Die verfluchte Huhre, Vernunft. (The damned whore, Reason). [Martin Luther]

What shall we Christians do now with this depraved and damned people of the Jews? ... I will give my faithful advice: First, that one should set fire to their synagogues. . . . Then that one should also break down and destroy their houses. . . . That one should drive them out the country. [Martin Luther]

Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has; it never comes to the aid of spiritual things, but -- more frequently than not -- struggles against the divine Word, treating with contempt all that emanates from God. [Martin Luther]

Reason should be destroyed in all Christians. [Martin Luther]

The Jews are the most miserable people on earth. They are plagued everywhere, and scattered about all countries, having no certain resting place. They sit as on a wheelbarrow, without a country, people or government... but they are rightly served, for seeing they refused have Christ and his gospel, instead of freedom they must have servitude. [Martin Luther]

Either God must be unjust, or you, Jews, wicked and ungodly. You have been, about fifteen hundred years, a race rejected of God. [Martin Luther]

Men have broad and large chests, and small narrow hips, and more understanding than women, who have but small and narrow breasts, and broad hips, to the end they should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and bear and bring up children. [Martin Luther, Table Talk]

God created Adam master and lord of living creatures, but Eve spoilt all, when she persuaded him to set himself above God's will. 'Tis you women, with your tricks and artifices, that lead men into error. [Martin Luther]

Whoever wants to be a Christian should tear the eyes out of his Reason. [Martin Luther]

Reason is the Devil's greatest whore; by nature and manner of being she is a noxious whore; she is a prostitute, the Devil's appointed whore; whore eaten by scab and leprosy who ought to be trodden under foot and destroyed, she and her wisdom ... Throw dung in her face to make her ugly. She is and she ought to be drowned in baptism... She would deserve, the wretch, to be banished to the filthiest place in the house, to the closets. [Martin Luther, Erlangen Edition v. 16, pp. 142-148]

There is on earth among all dangers no more dangerous thing than a richly endowed and adroit reason...Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. [Martin Luther, quoted by Walter Kaufmann, 'The Faith of a Heretic', (Garden city, NY, doubleday, 1963), p. 75]

[I]n a like manner we must endure the authority of the prince. If he misuse or abuse his authority, we are not to entertain a grudge, seek revenge or punishment. Obedience is to be rendered for God's sake, for the ruler is God's representative. However they may tax or exact, we must obey and endure patiently. [Martin Luther, Tribute to Caesar sermon, from 'The Political Theories of Martin Luther', Luther Hess Waring (New York, Putnam's, 1910) p. 104]

Even though they grow weary and wear themselves out with child- bearing, it does not matter; let them go on bearing children till they die, that is what they are there for. [Martin Luther, Works 20.84]

The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes. [Martin Luther, Works 12.94]

I had made up my mind to write no more either about the Jews or against them. But since I learned that these miserable and accursed people do not cease to lure to themselves even us, that is, the Christians, I have published this little book, so that I might be found among those who opposed such poisonous activities of the Jews who warned the Christians to be on their guard against them. I would not have believed that a Christian could be duped by the Jews into taking their exile and wretchedness upon himself. However, the devil is the god of the world, and wherever God's word is absent he has an easy task, not only with the weak but also with the strong. May God help us. Amen. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

He did not call them Abraham's children, but a brood of vipers [Matt. 3:7]. Oh, that was too insulting for the noble blood and race of Israel, and they declared, He has a demon' [Matt 11:18]. Our Lord also calls them a brood of vipers; furthermore in John 8 [:39,44] he states: If you were Abraham's children ye would do what Abraham did.... You are of your father the devil. It was intolerable to them to hear that they were not Abraham's but the devil's children, nor can they bear to hear this today. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Therefore the blind Jews are truly stupid fools... [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Now just behold these miserable, blind, and senseless people. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

...their blindness and arrogance are as solid as an iron mountain. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Learn from this, dear Christian, what you are doing if you permit the blind Jews to mislead you. Then the saying will truly apply, When a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into the pit [cf. Luke 6:39]. You cannot learn anything from them except how to misunderstand the divine commandments... [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Therefore be on your guard against the Jews, knowing that wherever they have their synagogues, nothing is found but a den of devils in which sheer self-glory, conceit, lies, blasphemy, and defaming of God and men are practiced most maliciously and veheming his eyes on them. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Moreover, they are nothing but thieves and robbers who daily eat no morsel and wear no thread of clothing which they have not stolen and pilfered from us by means of their accursed usury. Thus they live from day to day, together with wife and child, by theft and robbery, as arch-thieves and robbers, in the most impenitent security. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

However, they have not acquired a perfect mastery of the art of lying; they lie so clumsily and ineptly that anyone who is just a little observant can easily detect it. But for us Christians they stand as a terrifying example of God's wrath. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

If I had to refute all the other articles of the Jewish faith, I should be obliged to write against them as much and for as long a time as they have used for inventing their lies-- that is, longer than two thousand years. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

..Christ and his word can hardly be recognized because of the great vermin of human ordinances. However, let this suffice for the time being on their lies against doctrine or faith. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Did I not tell you earlier that a Jew is such a noble, precious jewel that God and all the angels dance when he farts? [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Alas, it cannot be anything but the terrible wrath of God which permits anyone to sink into such abysmal, devilish, hellish, insane baseness, envy, and arrogance. If I were to avenge myself on the devil himself I should be unable to wish him such evil and misfortune as God's wrath inflicts on the Jews, compelling them to lie and to blaspheme so monstrously, in violation of their own conscience. Anyway, they have their reward for constantly giving God the lie. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

No, one should toss out these lazy rogues by the seat of their pants. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

...but then eject them forever from this country. For, as we have heard, God's anger with them is so intense that gentle mercy will only tend to make them worse and worse, while sharp mercy will reform them but little. Therefore, in any case, away with them! [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Over and above that we let them get rich on our sweat and blood, while we remain poor and they such the marrow from our bones. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

I brief, dear princes and lords, those of you who have Jews under your rule-- if my counsel does not please your, find better advice, so that you and we all can be rid of the unbearable, devilish burden of the Jews, lest we become guilty sharers before God in the lies, blasphemy, the defamation, and the curses which the mad Jews indulge in so freely and wantonly against the person of our Lord Jesus Christ, this dear mother, all Christians, all authority, and ourselves. Do not grant them protection, safe-conduct, or communion with us.... With this faithful counsel and warning I wish to cleanse and exonerate my conscience. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Let the government deal with them in this respect, as I have suggested. But whether the government acts or not, let everyone at least be guided by his own conscience and form for himself a definition or image of a Jew. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

However, we must avoid confirming them in their wanton lying, slandering, cursing, and defaming. Nor dare we make ourselves partners in their devilish ranting and raving by shielding and protecting them, by giving them food, drink, and shelter, or by other neighborly acts... [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Therefore we Christians, in turn, are obliged not to tolerate their wanton and conscious blasphemy. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Accordingly, it must and dare not be considered a trifling matter but a most serious one to seek counsel against this and to save our souls from the Jews, that is, from the devil and from eternal death. My advice, as I said earlier, is: First, that their synagogues be burned down, and that all who are able toss sulphur and pitch; it would be good if someone could also throw in some hellfire... Second, that all their books-- their prayer books, their Talmudic writings, also the entire Bible-- be taken from them, not leaving them one leaf, and that these be preserved for those who may be converted... Third, that they be forbidden on pain of death to praise God, to give thanks, to pray, and to teach publicly among us and in our country... Fourth, that they be forbidden to utter the name of God within our hearing. For we cannot with a good conscience listen to this or tolerate it... [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

He who hears this name [God] from a Jew must inform the authorities, or else throw sow dung at him when he sees him and chase him away. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

But what will happen even if we do burn down the Jews' synagogues and forbid them publicly to praise God, to pray, to teach, to utter God's name? They will still keep doing it in secret. If we know that they are doing this in secret, it is the same as if they were doing it publicly. for our knowledge of their secret doings and our toleration of them implies that they are not secret after all and thus our conscience is encumbered with it before God. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

If we wish to wash our hands of the Jews' blasphemy and not share in their guilt, we have to part company with them. They must be driven from our country. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

...they remain our daily murderers and bloodthirsty foes in their hearts. Their prayers and curses furnish evidence of that, as do the many stories which relate their torturing of children and all sorts of crimes for which they have often been burned at the stake or banished. -Martin Luther (On the Jews and Their Lies) [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

...that everyone would gladly be rid of them. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

Undoubtedly they do more and viler things than those which we know and discover. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

If I had power over the Jews, as our princes and cities have, I would deal severely with their lying mouth. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

They [rulers] must act like a good physician who, when gangrene has set in proceeds without mercy to cut, saw, and burn flesh, veins, bone, and marrow. Such a procedure must also be followed in this instance. Burn down their synagogues, forbid all that I enumerated earlier, force them to work, and deal harshly with them, as Moses did... If this does not help we must drive them out like mad dogs. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

My essay, I hope, will furnish a Christian (who in any case has no desire to become a Jew) with enough material not only to defend himself against the blind, venomous Jews, but also to become the foe of the Jews' malice, lying, and cursing, and to understand not only that their belief is false but that they are surely possessed by all devils. May Christ, our dear Lord, convert them mercifully and preserve us steadfastly and immovably in the knowledge of him, which is eternal life. Amen. [Martin Luther,On the Jews and Their Lies,1543]

God does not work salvation for ficticious sinners. Be a sinner and sin vigorously.... Do not for a moment imagine that this life is the abiding place of justice; sin must be committed. [Martin Luther]

Sin cannot tear you away from him [Christ], even though you commit adultery a hundred times a day and commit as many murders. [Martin Luther, letter to Melanchton, Aug. 1, 1521]

A large number of deaf, crippled and blind people are afflicted solely through the malice of the demon. And one must in no wise doubt that plagues, fevers and every sort of evil come from him. [Martin Luther]

An eartly kingdom cannot exist without inequality of persons. Some must be free, some serfs, some rulers, some subjects. [Martin Luther]

As for the demented, I hold it certain that all beings deprived of reason are thus afflicted only by the Devil. [Martin Luther]

As to the common people, ... one has to be hard with them and see that they do their work and that under the threat of the sword and the law they comply with the observance of piety, just as you chain up wild beasts. [Martin Luther]

At Poltersberg, there is a lake similarly cursed. If you throw a stone into it, a dreadful storm immediately arises, and the whole neighboring district quakes to its centre. 'Tis the devils kept prisoner there. [Martin Luther]

How often have not the demons called 'Nix,' drawn women and girls into the water, and there had commerce with them, with fearful consequences. [Martin Luther]

I myself saw and touched at Dessay, a child of this sort, which had no human parents, but had proceeded from the Devil. He was twelve years old, and, in outward form, exactly resembled ordinary children. [Martin Luther]

I should have no compassion on these witches; I should burn them all. [Martin Luther]

Idiots, the lame, the blind, the dumb, are men in whom the devils have established themselves: and all the physicians who heal these infirmities, as though they proceeded from natural causes, are ignorant blockheads.... [Martin Luther]

In many countries there are particular places to which devils more especially resort. In Prussia there is an infinite number of evil spirits. [Martin Luther]

In Switzerland, on a high mountain, not far from Lucerne, there is a lake they call Pilate's Pond, which the Devil has fixed upon as one of the chief residences of his evil spirits.... [Martin Luther]

Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt...people. [Martin Luther]

Many sweat to reconcile St. Paul and St. James, but in vain. 'Faith justifies' and 'faith does not justify' contradict each other flatly. If any one can harmonize them I will give him my doctor's hood and let him call me a fool. [Martin Luther]

No gown worse becomes a woman than the desire to be wise. [Martin Luther]

Our bodies are always exposed to Satan. The maladies I suffer are not natural, but Devil's spells. [Martin Luther]

Reason must be deluded, blinded, and destroyed. Faith must trample underfoot all reason, sense, and understanding, and whatever it sees must be put out of sight and ... know nothing but the word of God. [Martin Luther]

Snakes and monkeys are subjected to the demon more than other animals. Satan lives in them and possesses them. He uses them to deceive men and to injure them. [Martin Luther]

Some [demons] are also in the thick black clouds, which cause hail, lightning and thunder, and poison the air, the pastures and grounds. [Martin Luther]

The best way to get rid of the Devil, if you cannot kill it with the words of Holy Scripture, is to rail at and mock him. Music, too, is very good; music is hateful to him, and drives him far away. [Martin Luther]

The Devil can so completely assume the human form, when he wants to deceive us, that we may well lie with what seems to be a woman, of real flesh and blood, and yet all the while 'tis only the Devil in the shape of a woman. Tis the same with women, who may think that a man is in bed with them, yet 'tis only the Devil; and...the result of this connection is oftentimes an imp of darkness, half mortal, half devil.... [Martin Luther]

The Devil...clutched hold of the miserable young man...and flew off with him through the ceiling, since which time nothing has been heard of [him]. [Martin Luther]

The Devil, too, sometimes steals human children; it is not infrequent for him to carry away infants within the first six weeks after birth, and to substitute in their place imps.... [Martin Luther]

The winds are nothing else but good or bad spirits. Hark! how the Devil is puffing and blowing.... [Martin Luther]

There is no rustic so rude but that, if he dreams or fancies anything, it must be the whisper of the Holy Ghost, and he himself a prophet. [Martin Luther]

To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason. [Martin Luther]

We are at fault for not slaying them [the Jews]. [Martin Luther, On the Jews and Their Lies]

We know, on the authority of Moses, that longer than six thousand years the world did not exist. [Martin Luther (1483-1546) Lectures on Genesis]

We need not invite the Devil to our table; he is too ready to come without being asked. The air all about us is filled with demons.... [Martin Luther]

What shall we do with...the Jews?...I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings...are to be taken from them. [Martin Luther]

What shall we do with...the Jews?...I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews. [Martin Luther]

What shall we do with...the Jews? I advise that their rabbis be forbidden to teach on pain of loss of life and limb. [Martin Luther]

What shall we do with...the Jews?...set fire to their synagogues or schools and bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. [Martin Luther]

What shall we do with...the Jews?...their homes also should be razed and destroyed. [Martin Luther]

When I was a child there were many witches, and they bewitched both cattle and men, especially children. [Martin Luther]

At Sussen, the Devil carried off, last Good Friday, three grooms who had devoted themselves to him. [Martin Luther]

I almost feel like throwing Jimmy into the stove, as the priest in Kulenberg did. [Martin Luther]

I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist. [Martin Luther]

I maintain that some Jew wrote it [the Book of James] who probably heard about Christian people but never encountered any. [Martin Luther]

The Devil fears the word of God, He can't bite it; it breaks his teeth. [Martin Luther]

The Devil, it is true, is not exactly a doctor who has taken degrees, but he is very learned, very expert for all that. He has not been carrying on his business during thousands of years for nothing.... [Martin Luther]

The fact that [the biblical book] Hebrews is not an epistle of St. Paul, or of any other apostle, is proved by what it says in chapter two.... [Martin Luther]

...two devils rose from the water, and flew off through the air, crying, 'Oh, oh, oh!' and turning one over another, in sportive mockery.... [Martin Luther]

We may well lie with what seems to be a woman of flesh and blood, and yet all the time it is only a devil in the shape of a woman. [Martin Luther]

We should throw the Epistle of James out of this school [the University of Wittenberg].... [Martin Luther]

In our sad condition, our only consolation is the expectancy of another life. Here below all is incomprehensible. [Martin Luther, Table Talk]

Heretics are not to be disputed with, but to be condemned unheard, and whilst they perish by fire, the faithful ought to pursue the evil to its source, and bathe their heads in the blood of the Catholic bishops, and of the Pope, who is the devil in disguise. [Martin Luther, Riffel, Kirchengeschichte]

I confess that mankind has a free will, but it is to milk kine, to build houses, etc., and no further. [Martin Luther, Table Talk]

Jews and papists are ungodly wretches; they are two stockings made of one piece of cloth. [Martin Luther, Table Talk]

Antichrist is the pope and the Turk [Muslim] together. A beast full of life must have a body and soul. The spirit or soul of Antichrist is the pope, his flesh or body the Turk. [Martin Luther, Table Talk]

When my heart is cold and I cannot pray as I should I scourge myself with the thought of the impiety and ingratitude of my enemies, the Pope and his accomplices and vermin, and Zwingli, so that my heart swells with the righteous indignation and hatred and I can say with warmth and vehemence: 'Holy be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done!' And the hotter I grow the more ardent do my prayers become. [Martin Luther, Table Talk Number 2387 a-b, as quoted in Frans Funck-Bretano, 'Luther', 1939, p.319]

Whoever would like to cherish such adders and puny devils -- who are the worst enemies of Christ and us all all -- to befriend them and to do them honour simply in order to be cheated, plundered, robbed, disgraced, and forced to howl and curse and suffer every kind of evil, to him I would commend the Jews. And if this is not enough, let him tell the Jews to use his mouth as a privy, or else crawl into the Jew's hind parts, and there worship the holy thing, so as afterwards to be able to boast of having been merciful, and of having helped the Devil and his progeny to blaspheme our dear Lord. [Martin Luther, Hitler's Spiritual Ancestor by Peter F. Weiner (1985, Gustav Broukal Press)]

If I had to baptise a Jew, I would take him to the bridge of the Elbe, hang a stone around his neck and push him over with the words 'I baptise thee in the name of Abraham'. [Martin Luther, Hitler's Spiritual Ancestor by Peter F. Weiner (1985, Gustav Broukal Press)]

Beliefs, including religious ones, are learned. Which makes atheism a normal state of affairs and religious beliefs a learned abnormality. No psychological theory is necessary to explain the causes of a normal base state. Any psychological theory of learning, attitude change or socialisation can explain the causes of religious belief. [Rosemary Lyndall, clinical Neuro-psychologist]

W. V. O. Quine has been one of the most ruthless of recent appliers of this principle [Ockham's razor.] I recall an exchange in print (a fest-schrift, around 1980) where someone quoted Shakespeare's There are more things on heaven and earth, than are dreamed of in your philosophy at Quine. Quine responded something like, Possibly, but my concern is that there not be more things in my philosophy than are in heaven and earth. [David Lyndes]

God tells Adam and Eve not to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. If this was the only way they could understand the difference between good and evil, how could they have known that it was wrong to disobey god and eat the fruit? [Laurie Lynn (sechum-l secular humanist discussion list)]